Mental Mismanagement, the War Within:

Mental Mismanagement, the War Within:

What the bleep just happened?

(Mock Transcript from The Elle Foundation’s Women’s Empowerment Symposium, Opening Event Ceremony, Elizabeth Gilley, Chairperson, Keynote, 2015).


Keynote Speaker:


I walked past the mirror and caught a reflection of myself.  I am an old woman, well, older than I have ever been. I still feel young inside, just 57 years old. They say I am in middle age, but let me ask you “How many 114 year olds do you know?  My mother is 81. I watch her body change. I will always remember her hands.  I look at my hands, they help anchor me in the moment, with mindfulness. I remember when they were new, and small.  I remember my grandmother’s smooth, elegant hands, with long fingers, even when they became wrinkled and veiny. Long ago my hands lost their plump moist youthful dewy texture. Yet, still they are   not crippled by arthritis. My hands remind me that I am finite.


I choose to remember the loving hands of my mother, reaching out with love to comfort and soothe. I choose to not dwell upon the occasional infrequent, lashing out in frustration or exasperation, that every parent experiences. I choose to remember her loving, tender touch as she   scratched my back, or rubbed away my pain. I cherish my mother’s hands, just like I cherish the memory of my father’s brilliantly bright blue eyes. I cherish the love and light behind those eyes, the love and light in my mother’s touch. I hold these memories sacred.


While we may certainly forget a name, we usually remember how a person made us feel. We remember those who edified our spirit, and lifted us with respectful regard. How have we treated ourselves?  Perhaps on occasional, as not good enough?  I have gone from self-loathing and despising myself, to loving, healing and nurturing myself. I hold myself accountable, taking responsibility for the outcome, in self-parenting, self-correction, and self-empowerment.  Sometimes life is scary. There have been times when I felt crippled by fear.  I can tell you I have suited up to show up. I could tell you that I have put on my big girl panties, but the truth is I go commando. I feel freer that way, less inhibited. My point is that I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I cherish my body, as the vehicle of my consciousness. It is my temple, no longer a prison of pain. But I have been there too. I cherish what I have created, and am still creating.


My hands have certainly reached out in both love and in anger. Now they are anointed.  My hands are merely, one pair, in God’s army of earthly hands. My hands create art and music, lovingly calm a tiny nervous pet, send healing energy and convey acceptance to my daughter, and cuddle my grandson. These hands reach out with the intention to heal.  I would not trade my hands for anything in this world, except, maybe, for my sight. I have relied upon my eyesight my entire life, and still at times, remained blind to truth.  I have gained a greater vision, with new insight.  When I look back over my life, and take my own inventory, I try to envision all the things these hands have created over the decades. I believe they have done more good than harm.



Yes, I am growing older. We all are.  I use a mobility scooter periodically. My spirit and body want to dance but my legs are crippled from trauma.   I want to soar.  I want to thrive. I dare to dream. I dare to envision myself dancing with toe shoes, on point, once again, slim, lean, and fit. Time is so precious. I want to savor every moment, to truly embrace this moment NOW, before it is gone. There is so much I want to do with this life, this miracle that I have been given, and yet, there remains so much yet to be accomplished.  I face uncertainty. After a lifetime of financial dependence, indulging in a lavish lifestyle,   financial resources appear to be dwindling without much hope of financial re-infusion. Will I ever be self-sufficient?  Only change is certain.  How do I navigate this world, alone, a divorced middle aged woman, with physical and sometimes emotional impairment?  How do I keep from feeling crippled, bankrupt, wounded, worn out, and used up? How do I not let fear paralyze me? How do I hold on to hope? How do I self-empower and manifest my potential? How do I thrive?  These are questions we may all ask ourselves.


Each of us here today, has her own unique experience, heartache, bliss, desire, fear, and needs. As I look out over the sea of faces, I try to catch your eye, to salute your intention, to connect with each of you and affirm your commitment to fully engaging life. We are a powerful group of women. Each of us, with her unique perspective, voice and vision. We find common ground in mutual experience, in suffering and longing, in unrequited hopes for fulfillment. We all have been wounded.  We all have known pain and hardship. Yet, here we are, coming together with the mutual intention of increasing our conscious awareness, to become the change we wish to see in the world.


As women, we are the more fully developed, more cerebrally integrated gender of our species. Perhaps as healers, caregivers, and nurturers, we are holding space for humanity, for the manifestation of higher consciousness, for the healing of our planet and our species.  Eastern tradition teaches us about the yin and the yang, and the ongoing continual shift as one energy signature ebbs in its flow, while another wanes, like cosmic breathing in and out. As women, as goddesses, children of the divine, we aspire to be are more than just the feminine, more than just the yin.  We aspire to be the balanced integration and flow of both the YIN and the YANG.  We have the ability to tune in to our SOURCE and recreate ourselves, with intention.


So what am I doing here? Why I am speaking with you today? I am certainly no expert. I have not mastered life. I am still in process. Some might say I have mastered failure, that I have been a poster child for what not to do. I am still striving, sometimes, struggling for balance. I am a survivor, still breathing, still here. I have survived physical, emotional, and sexual trauma, strangulation, asphyxiation,  gang rape, post-traumatic stress syndrome, addiction, prison, heart attack, three near bleed outs, self–betrayal, self-sabotage and self-destruction.  I have survived restless, reckless self-imposed havoc, a dozen car crashes and ten surgeries. I have climbed out of a wheelchair during three separate periods in my life. I have survived strokes, my family and my past. Yes, I am a survivor. I am still standing. I am still breathing. I am   RESILIENT! And I have come through all of this okay, tired, wounded, but blessed, transformed, and still……………………transforming.



There are gifts in life’s hardships. Even suffering bares fruit: compassion, empathy, a tender grateful radiant spirit.   I have transcended the ugly haughtiness of ego-manic narcissism. The defense mechanisms of a small desperate  child who was in fear for her life, the very same defense mechanisms which became twisted and distorted over time and experience,  which stopped working in my best interest. The walls I created to protect me, became my prison. I had to tear them down, and build a new foundation.  I have news from the battlefront of the war within. I bear testimony to the MIRACULOUS!


It is my intention to uplift and inspire each of you.


Many of you have journeyed great distances, both in the physical and metaphysical sense, to be here today, for The Elle Foundation’s first Women’s Empowerment Symposium.  Many will leave as facilitators for continued outreach. We have all come from different places, times, and life experiences, to get here. We have arrived, here we are, meeting in this room, in this moment, NOW. So let’s take a closer look at it, the NOW. I feel strong. Do you?


Let’s give ourselves a hand, a round of applause, and a standing ovation for making it this far.

(Audience cued to rise.  Audience stands, clapping begins, increases, then decreases in momentum.)

Speaker:  Keep it going.

(Keynote is still clapping. A wave of exuberant clapping reveals a shift in energy. Sound technicians prompt an audio file, and music begins to play. The audience begins turning to one another, smiling, acknowledging one another, with head movements.  The song WE ARE FAMILY is playing. The speaker begins to sing along, shifting her weight, to dance in place. The audience follows “We are family, come on everybody, let’s sing. We are family, got all my sisters with me. Yes we are family, come on everybody lets sing………….. Audience sings along and dances to the beat. Five minutes pass. The speaker nods. Sound technicians stop the music and dim the lights. The audience is cued to be seated.)


Speaker: Did you notice what just happened?  There was an energy shift. Do you feel it? You got your blood circulating, and allowed your joy to surface.  Together we changed the frequency. Everyone feels better right? The universal flow of energy is infinite, all powerful. You just have to tune in to it. We learn this in Reiki, in Gi gong, Tai Chi and many other practices, how to tune in to the universal energy, how to tune in to the ultimate SOURCE.  In Hands of Light and Light Emerging (Brennan, 1987, 1993), Barbara Brennan, teaches us how to push and pull energy, how to send and receive energy. Just as importantly, she teaches her students how to cut off the flow to stop leakage, and how to release energy blocks. Just as we learn to care for our physical body, we also learn to care for our emotional energy body. We stir things up, to get rid of stale, stagnant, and stuck energy,  to make room for more vibrant life enhancing energy flow, out with the old, in with the new. We are complex systems of energy, always changing in-form-a-tion.


There is abundance everywhere around us. I understand that we all fear that we will not have enough, that there are not enough resources for our needs.  But this is simply and emphatically, not true. There are enough resources. There is abundance, an unlimited supply of life affirming, divine energy. There is an entire universe full.  We are similar to a lamp. You have to plug it in to the electrical source, and turn it on, for the light to shine. We just need to fine tune our focus, and perhaps re-define our definition of what true resources are.  When we are tempted to give up on ourselves, to willingly forego our dreams and sacrifice our desires, we need to go to the source, the Force, the great I AM, the infinite, the eternal, the almighty, the creative consciousness.  I am here to tell you, that no, you don’t have to sacrifice your desires, you don’t have to give up on the longings of your heart and soul. You can live them.  I am here to redirect your focus, and inspire you to do your own research and take charge of your life, rather than resigning yourself to middle age, and the encroachment of supposed eventual demise.


I wish to give you incentive to redefine yourself,   inspire you to become the artist of your own life. I challenge you to become the master of your own destiny.   I dare you to set the bar high. I call you out, my name, to rise to the occasion and dare you to live large, to celebrate your courage in exploring, expanding and expounding your own potential. I salute the divinity within you.  You are a child of the LIVING GOD. A one of a kind creation, by the greatest artist of all. Be radiant. Channel the Creative Consciousness.  Celebrate your life, for being the goddesses you are.

We are all beings of LIGHT.

Inspired by Rev. Marianne Williamson, I too have wondered, how dare I live small?  From the underpinnings of quantum physics (Talbot, 1991; Capra, 1999), I claim that I too, am a holographic, representation of the whole, the Creative Consciousness, a temporary expression and manifestation of the GOD of the universe. I too have been given creative license, free-will, free rein to create as I desire.  WOW!  What a gift. How dare I not live up to my potential? How dare I play small? How dare I recuse myself, or diminish my light? How dare I squander this miraculous gift?


One of the most valuable assets that any of us has is our perspective. We can always enlarge it. We can mindfully, choose gratitude, even in the midst of disaster, not in the sense that we are sprinkling fairy dust over a crumbling life, not to deny or downplay our grief, loss, or pain, but to affirm our appreciation for what for is good in our lives. In the midst of sorrow, we can also know joy. In the midst of chaos, we can know peace. Our focus determines our frequency. I choose to focus upon the positive and allow the negative to dissipate, without resistance.  I certainly don’t embellish or rehearse old wounds, anymore, because that only keeps them alive in the present moment. I shall not dwell in the mire, of emotional toxicity. I will not surround myself with individuals who are frenetically disconnected from their Source. I will feed my spirit.  When I resonate in harmony with   others who also have higher vibrational signatures, we increase the effect, exponentially.


According to string theory, everything has a vibrational signature (Bartlett, 2009, Radin, 2006).  Every oscillating electron wave function, every atom, every molecule, every cell, organ, person, planet, star and galaxy. I wish to tune in to the creative divine consciousness and resonate there within to replenish myself. To gas up so to speak. It is nice. It feels good. In those few minutes I spend in mediation in the beginning of each day, and those moments throughout the day, when I feel the need to re-center, and re-align myself with awareness, in the moment, I am restored, replenished, attuned, realigned, and recharged. It is really very simple.


In David Eagleman’s documentary, The Brain, he refers to The Nun Study (Riley, Snowdon, et al. 2009) a study 678 Carmelite nuns, who had lived cloistered for decades, teaching small children, working to support the order, each productive in their efforts, each dedicated and committed to their core spiritual practice.  He explores our conscious experience and how this effects our identity. He ponders whether the physical aspects of our brain equals the mental aspects, and the answer will surprise you.  The nuns who donated their brains to scientific research upon their deaths, were between the ages of 75 and 106.  When neural tissues were examined under a microscope, it was determined that about a third of the brain volume was diseased by advanced stages of Alzheimers.  These nuns have not shown any signs of cognitive demise. How could this be?  How could it be that the organ of their brains was diseased but their minds were not?


Researchers attributed their cognitive wellbeing to their remaining active. This does have viable neurological basis. Even though some neural pathways were decaying, the nuns’ active engagement in life, built new neural pathways. You see brains don’t stay the same. They too, are constantly changing, being formed by our experience, our behaviors, and even our repetitive thoughts.  Eagleman explains the concept of cognitive reserve, meaning that although parts of their brains were dying, there were still enough neurological resources, meaning neurons available to fire, to establish new neural connections in the neural network. I agree with his determination, partially, but I also believe his perspective is limited. I want to introduce the concept of spiritual reserve. I think he is missing the obvious. Missing the obvious is not just a male tendency. Women, the traditional nurturers and healers, also seem to miss the obvious from time to time.


Neuroscientists tells us that there are the 100 billion neurons in our brains. But we are not our neurons. We are more like the space in between. From the neurological perspective “Who I am” is not about the existence of neurons but how they interact, thus I am the relationship between my neurons, not the neurons themselves. Maybe, but we are so much more. Consider altered states of consciousness, like sleep and meditation.  I don’t really know what happens to my mind when I sleep. I just know I go off line, to use computer internet terminology. So when my body is asleep, where does my mind go?  In deep sleep, in theta and delta rhythm frequencies, neurons synthesize, and memory gets locked in. When I mediate in alpha frequency, I take an active role in recreating both my brain, and my mind. Buddhist monks have been proven to mediate and even manifest, resonating in the gamma frequency.  Something to aspire to.


Both sleep and mediation are an altered states of consciousness, in which my biological, physiological, and neurological rhythms are altered. When my neural frequency returns to normal rhythm, I come back on line. Consciously, I wake up, or in case of meditation, my brain frequency returns to the Beta rhythm. Where frequencies are concerned Beta equals the busy-ness of mind, which if left undisciplined can result in mental mismanagement. Most of us, shift into the Alpha frequency in mindfulness mediation.

I can learn to attune myself to any desired frequency. Just as biofeedback teaches us to regulate our physiological response, we can also learn to regulate our psychological response. And if we dedicate our lives to higher ideals, principles, and spiritual practice, we as a species may develop the ability to resonate in the gamma frequency, where individuals have been observed manifesting objects into existence, or moving in and out of this physical dimension. What about higher levels of consciousness, above the psychological, those that perhaps we don’t have language for, yet?  We determine our focus.  In fact, this is how we manifest whatever it is we wish to call into existence. I wish to resonate in health, love and light.


It has often been said by many psychologists that “WE DON’T SEE THE WORLD AS IT IS, WE SEE IT AS WE ARE.”  Each of us is different, a one of a kind creation. EVERY BRAIN HAS A DIFFERENT NEURAL REALITY.  Every lifeform is a unique set of circumstance and interactive experience, each with unique perspective, and unique ability to sense, understand and commune with the creative conscious, the god of our own understanding.  But where we go from here is quite literally up to us!


I mentioned earlier, that I think David Eagleman got it partially right. I think he overlooked the most important casual aspect of all, LOVE, the frequency of wellness, fullness, wholeness, and abundance.  The Greeks had four words for love: Agape, Eros, Philia and Storge. What was apparently obvious to me, but which eluded consideration by the researchers as a causal and/or correlational variable, in the Carmelite nun study, was that they lived immersed in love: committed to Agape for decades, living in community of Storge, and in work and fellowship with Philia. The confusing Eros romantic-sexual frequency did not play into the scenario. They resonated with and radiated love, divine love, love of friendship and love of family. Love surrounded, infused, welled up and radiated from within them, overflowing like a fountain, to those all around.


Love has a frequency. Cancer has a frequency. Every organ in the human body has a healthy frequency range, generally between 65-80 Hertz (Gerber, 2001). Cancer has a frequency of 44 HZ. Love is multi-faceted, and has many frequencies. One of which we are aware of is 528 Hertz (Brainwave Frequency Listing). We stand on the cutting edge of a new era, of noetic science (Sheldrake, 1995, 2000), human development, physic, intuitive and spiritual evolution (McTaggart, 2007, 2008). The Elle Foundation is committed to spiritual wellness, advancing human potential and the revolution for global consciousness.  You hear people talk about raising their vibrational frequency, take them literally. The frequencies are already there. You don’t have to create them. Our Creator has already done that. All you have to do in become aware, tune in, focus and align yourself. When we combine our efforts we have the very real potential to maximize our synchronicity, of harmonic resonance.


We choose to live to in balance. We practice until it becomes second nature. This is consciousness, creative consciousness. I have spoken of manifesting your dreams. The secret is you don’t even really have to do anything. You just have to BE, in alignment, in tune with the music of the spheres, with the vibrational frequencies of whatever it is you wish to manifest. It is not about energy exertion. It is about energy resonance (Peirce, 2009; Murphy, 1992).


Studies in astronomy, physics, and metaphysics, teach us that The Universe is the totality of all there is and all there ever could be (Wilber, 2000). I believe the Universe is GOD. It is all possibility, full creative potential. Within the seemingly vast emptiness, we mistakenly call the void, or the vacuum of space, lies the remains, the energy signature of everything that ever was, or will be, for all of eternity. It is easy for us to see the stars, to recognize the brilliance of their light, which accounts for only 3% of the mass of the universe. It is more difficult for us to wrap our minds around the other 97% percent, this so called “dark” energy, and “dark” mass, from our visually, conceptually and cognitively inadequate, perception.


There within lies the potential for all that could ever be, right there in the very fabric of the Godhead, the universe, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end (Bartlett, 2009). We are stardust, remnants of supernovae, temporary creative expression, of the divine.  You can choose to resonate with love, or you can be a parasite upon our planet, a cancer upon the earth Tolle, 2005). We can stop poisoning our-selves with mediocrity, and feed our souls with the sacred (Chopra, 1990). The moment is now (Tolle, 1999). Not tomorrow, not next week. Don’t tell yourself you will do it tomorrow, that you have too many other important things to do today. If not now, When? All that we have, all that we are, all that is possible is NOW.


The most important thing I have to do today is plug in to MY SOURCE, re-tune my consciousness, and try to stay in alignment (Schlitz, 1993). Always observant, always aware, and willing to re-a-tune. This is God’s will for me, for my highest good, my most divine manifestation. It is my choice, and my purpose to enlarge my perspective, keep my mind open, become ready and willing to be a conduit for healing, and a channel for others to return to love. Ancient words, traditions from all faiths, all religious backgrounds, and spiritual paths, which have ever existed for humanity in the duration of our tenure as a species, remind us of The Sacred.


Yes. Be still and know, the great I AM. Be still and know. Be still. Be.


Thank you for participating in our celebration of spiritual empowerment.  Take a moment, if you will before you adjourn, to quietly acknowledge and salute the spirit of light within every goddess in this room, affirming and recognizing their divinity, as they acknowledge yours. No words are necessary, just loving intention.


If you would like to participate in the upcoming Elle Foundation frequency research study, or are interested in becoming a facilitator for future women’s empowerment symposiums, please contact a coordinator, through the website, or call, 336-745-7337. Thank you for your time, and intention. God bless you.



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